SportsMore Flagrant Opinions from Bob Costas
On air Sunday night, the Olympics host said: "With apologies to all you reggae fans, I think [Usain] Bolt has even outdistanced [Bob] Marley."
In slightly less time than it took Usain Bolt to win his third straight gold medal in the 100 meters (which took less than 10 seconds!), Bob Costas showed his ass on national television Sunday. Not literally, of course. But Costas couldn't help himself when he tried contextualizing Bolt's accomplishment as the first human to win gold in the 100 at three straight Olympics, declaring that Bolt had surpassed Bob Marley as Jamaica's No. 1 hero.
"With apologies to all you reggae fans," he said, "I think Bolt has even outdistanced Marley,"
Does Bob Costas only know two Jamaicans? Not only is this flat-out wrong, but Costas seemed to be willfully flagrant, coining an entirely new genre of Costa-isms. Here are a few he's free to use:
"With apologies to Mike, Chuck, Magic, and the original Dream Team, I think, when all is said and done, Harrison Barnes could be the greatest international player to ever live."
"I want to apologize to fans of the late Heath Ledger's Joker, but Ryan Lochte is the realest to have ever rocked green hair on a screen of any size."
"Simone Biles is great, sure. Probably the best who's ever lived. But with apologies to all you Biles fans, I feel like we're not talking enough about the Al Pacino masterclassic Simone enough."
"With apologies to human beings with functioning ears, Alien Ant Farm's version of Smooth Criminal is head and shoulders above Michael Jackson's, and is certainly more punk rock."
"I have lots of love for Terminator 2 and Godfather Part II, but I'm truly sorry, when it comes to sequels, does anything really compare to the second season of Homeland?"
"The Olympics are certainly great, but I'm sorry to break the news here—shotgunning the Budweiser 'America' can is easily the best way to express your patriotism."
"With apologies to all you hip-hop fans and the ghosts of Tupac and Biggie, Drake is the best rapper of all time, and Views is better than The Life of Pablo."
"I would whisper an apology to all of the Harry Potter books individually, but Divergent is the only series that will make me cosplay at my local Barnes & Noble."
"When it comes to topics like race in America, Crash is probably the best movie I've ever seen."
"New York? Chicago? No disrespect. But let me tell you about a little joint called California Pizza Kitchen, which is the Usain Bolt of pizza joints."
"With apologies to Johann Sebastian Bach and to a lesser extent George Frederic Handel, I think Giuseppe Tartini is the most fun composer of the baroque period, and might even be the most influential in terms of tonality."
"With all due apologies to Harambe, it's fair to say that Shabani has the most beautiful spirit of all the gorillas, and it isn't even close."
Bob Costas must be stopped.