Grooming7 Crucial Questions to Ask Yourself Before Growing a Mustache
Call it doing your due diligence.
In case you haven’t heard, the ‘stache is back. (And in all its porny, ‘70s-inspired glory, no less.) Don’t believe us? Just ask Jake Gyllenhaal, James Franco and Paul Rudd, among others, who have all been spotted sporting full tufts of fur upon their respective upper lips in recent months. But while these exceptionally stylish men may be able to pull off this, arguably the most daring of facial hair configurations, with nary a second thought, we’d advise you to be exceedingly cautious before following suit. Because, simply put, growing a mustache isn’t for the feint of heart—one wrong turn, and the whole endeavor can turn from pro-level grooming move to Michael Cera-joke fodder in a under a second. Here, 7 questions you should ponder before deciding to give growing a mustache a shot. Call it doing your due diligence.
1. How Thick Does The Hair On Your Upper Lip Grow In?
If the thought of growing a mustache has crossed your mind, even for a moment, this is the first question you should be asking yourself, because the fact of the matter is that many guys unfortunately just don’t have the genetics for a proper upper-lip forest. Be honest with yourself: do you even have a chance at sprouting a proper ‘stache, or are you more apt to end up with a patchy lawn even after going months sans shaving?
2. Can You Grow a Full-On Beard?
We’re going to let you in on a little secret: The easiest way to grow a mustache actually includes growing a straight-up face forest first. Later, when your beard’s perfectly filled-in, all you need to do is shave away the cheeks and chin to leave behind what amounts to a first-rate mustache. Unfortunately for those men not genetically gifted in the beard department, this option isn't exactly on the table. Find yourself in that less-than-blessed camp? If so, then it might be worth rethinking your decision.
3. How Fragile Is Your Ego?
Or, to put it a little more precisely, should you go the route of growing a mustache on its own, will you be able to survive the awkward phases, emotionally? Because, we promise you, there will be more than a few comments at the expense of your slowly growing lip tickler. And if you let them get to you, there’s a higher-than-average chance that you’re going to take a blade to your face before your mustache has reached its full potential.
4.Can You Withstand Prolonged Discomfort?
We’d be remiss not to mention that, aside from the emotional trauma that comes with a nascent ‘stache, there is certainly a physical component as well. Yeah, we’re talking about beard itch. And though the surface area of stubble may be significant reduced when you’re growing a mustache, the truth is that the scratchiness can be equally as brutal.
5. Are You Willing To Keep Up With Regular Maintenance?
For a moment, imagine you’ve made it past all the obstacles on the long and arduous road to mustache-dom. Congratulations! Bet you didn’t think you were going to make it, did you? The trouble is, your work has only just begun. Because now you’ve got to go about maintaining your mustache borders, making sure it doesn’t get too long, continuously shaving the rest of your face…the list goes on. And if you slack on any one aspect, chances are you’re going to start looking like a caricature, and quick. So, before you go any further, ask yourself: are you in this for the long haul?
6. How Steady Is Your Hand?
So, you’re willing to put in the time to ensure your mustache continues to look its best. Good on you. But the question remains, will you actually be able to follow through on that promise? You see, ensuring that your mustache stays in prime form doesn’t only take dedication, but also a surgeon’s dexterity. That is, you’ve got to have the ability to shave and snip without slipping and accidentally removing half of what you’ve gone to such great lengths to cultivate.
7. Do You Really Want This?
When all’s said and done, the most important question you need to ask is a simple one: Will you be better off with a mustache than you were without one? As we mentioned earlier, sporting a coat of fur on your upper lip is a daring move even for the most confident among us, and will undoubtedly draw the attention (and potentially ire) of many a passerby and loved one alike. Is that a result you’ll be happy with? If so, go for it.
If not, well, maybe you’d be better off trying one of Paul Rudd’s other three styles.