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What Your Sexy Tinder Profile Jam Says About You

Tinder is teaming up with Spotify to ruin your favorite songs with an "anthem" in your profile.

Remember when everyone wrote suggestive song lyrics in their AIM away messages? Now, thanks to a partnership between Tinder and Spotify, you can once again share your favorite emo jams with potential love interests. The dating app Raya has long allowed users to soundtrack their profiles, for better or for worse. (At least one GQ editor will not admit to choosing Adele's "Someone Like You" as his Raya siren song—tweet at him so he feels less alone.) An "anthem," Spotify announced this morning, is "the one single track that tells your story… where the lyrics of your life meet the rhythm of your soul." Dibs on Michael Bublé.

If you've seen Happy Feet, you know that if your mating song is lame you will die alone, left on the ice for the leopard seals. Here's what your anthem says about the rhythm of your soul.

Hey, Soul Sister Train
This guy fucks.

All Star Smash Mouth
This guy is Smash Mouth.

Canon in D Johann Pachelbel
This guy is too far down the altar.

Du Hast Rammstein
This guy really liked The Matrix.

Love Yourself Justin Bieber
This guy is too young.

At Last Etta James
This guy is too old, but also could get it.

Black Hole Sun Soundgarden
This guy has so many feelings.

Kiss From a Rose Seal
This guy will wine and dine the crap out of you before shepherding you to bonetown.

Blurred Lines Robin Thicke
This guy… is That Guy.

Your Body Is a Wonderland John Mayer
This guy is my editor, who repeatedly insisted that I include this song because "it's gonna be the next Smooth."

Smooth Santana
This guy is way smoother than the guy who picked "Your Body Is a Wonderland." There is no "next Smooth."

Ignition (Remix) R. Kelly
This guy lost his virginity to "Ignition (Remix)."

One Dance Drake
This guy reads GQ. And fucks.

Careless Whisper George Michael
This guy is doing really well since the breakup, really!

Alexander Hamilton Cast of Hamilton
This guy is a bastard, orphan, son of a whore!

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