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We Have a Few Questions About the New ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ Trailer

MoviesWe Have a Few Questions About the New Fifty Shades Darker Trailer

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That movie your mom went to see and didn’t invite your dad to has a sequel—and its first trailer is quite thought-provoking.

Have you been waiting—pining, longing, in unbearable anticipation—for 2015's extremely chaste sex movie Fifty Shades of Grey to get a sequel? Well, get ready for some more carefully staged fake intercourse. The trailer for Fifty Shades Darker just dropped today, and its central dysfunctional couple is back, doing stuff that is probably sexy to someone against the dulcet tones of Miguel covering "Crazy in Love."

After watching this, I'm left with burning questions I need answered. Namely:

  • Where will these two people fuck? The trailer hints at some shower boning, but the important question is, where else? In that prominently featured helicopter? In a sex swing? In hell?
  • Will they ever use kink equipment that people who actually perform BDSM use? Like, say, bondage tape or a buttplug?
  • Are we going to see a dick? I dunno, it just seems weird that they have all this sex and the dude never takes his dick out.

Most intriguingly, it posits that Anna, played by a really uncomfortable Dakota Johnson, is "not the first person to try to save" Jamie Dornan's equally uncomfortable-looking Christian Grey, a man so tortured he starts off their courtship by finding out her address, stalking her, and then abducting her from a night out with her friends. Swoon! Maybe she'll realize she deserves better and leave.

While the last movie was definitely not good enough to be a good movie, nor bad enough to be playful, fun camp, it seems like this one's about to take things over the top. For better or for worse, any movie with both a sexy masquerade and apparently… a helicopter crash? probably isn't taking itself too seriously.

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