NewsStop Snitching on Malia Obama, Y'all
Sure, President Obama may be the family's sole Nobel Prize recipient. But after spending her entire adolescence living in the White House—seriously, your blood pressure should have risen slightly just thinking about that terrifying prospect—eighteen-year-old Malia Obama, newly minted member of the Harvard Class of 2021, deserves some shine, too. But does she get that shine? No, she does not. She gets snitches instead.
This week, a bunch of narcs caught Malia…well, we'll let the Daily Mail explain:
The 18-year-old first daughter, dressed in a midriff-baring baseball
tee and pair of cut off jean shorts, looks directly at a fellow
partygoer's phone in the photograph, which was later uploaded to the
social app Snapchat.
To her left is another young man holding a can of beer in one hand
while picking up one of the many plastic cups on the table.
Many plastic cups?!
There are also cans of Natural Light, Bud Light and Miller Lite on the
table, which is decorated with red, white and blue confetti.
And this isn't the first time Malia's been shamed for acting like every teen ever, in the history of teenage-dom. Last fall, the then-high-school senior had the audacity to hang out with some very friendly-looking people on a tour of Brown, only to be surreptitiously photographed "playing—or at least standing close to—a table filled with red Solo cups."
It got worse this summer, when one or more petty, small concertgoers inexplicably decided to stop minding their own damn business and instead filmed Malia dancing at a music festival and, later, smoking an unidentified substance that may or may not be one that is permitted in certain cooler states, but prohibited under federal law.
Enough. Whatever your political affiliation, race, gender, or expunged juvenile record, any American who has ever been a teenager should be deeply and personally offended by this. Malia has spent the last eight years constantly on her best behavior, surrounded by a buzzkill Secret Service contingent that launches mysterious, scary-sounding investigations every time a stray selfie turns up online. Now, as both she and her father prepare to move out of the White House (albeit for different reasons), she deserves a break, not the Nick Young-D'Angelo Russell treatment.
This injustice can stand no longer. If you happen to see a certain famous first daughter at a party this weekend, or any weekend, put your phone away. Even in these angry, divisive, troubling times, surely we as a nation can unite behind a single, noble, unifying purpose: let Malia Obama live.