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An Interview with the Dressage Horse That Danced to “Smooth,” the Sexiest Song of the Olympics

SportsAn Interview with the Dressage Horse That Danced to "Smooth," the Sexiest Song of the Olympics

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A pioneer of equine seduction.

Yesterday, a horse named Lorenzo danced like a dream to the 1999’s most suave song, “Smooth (ft. Rob Thomas)” by the band Santana. Though he did not medal, Lorenzo changed the lives of everyone who saw him, by reminding them of the 1999’s silkiest radio hit, “Smooth (ft. Rob Thomas).” He generously spoke with us about his frolic.

Hello Lorenzo.
Hello Ms. Lange.

So proper!
I am a dressage horse. We are the noble gentlemen of horses, and horses are the noble gentlemen of animals.

Sure, that seems fair. Well first, I just want you to know that the press across the board is so sad that you didn’t receive a medal for your fine work dancing to—and reminding the globe about—the 1999 song, “Smooth (ft. Rob Thomas).”
Yes. The Olympics are my platform. I want to use it to represent what I believe in, which is mainly the 1999 song, “Smooth (ft. Rob Thomas).”

Now, your chin was noticeably kept down during the start of this routine. What was that about?
Well, I have to confess to you, I was bashful. This song, it is so sensual! It is so knowing, about sex and that sort of thing! I am embarrassed. Horses do not blush, but if they did, I would be blushing.

The most impressive thing about your routine is that it really played into that downbeat. What can you tell me about that signature?
Well, most people think that this work is in the fetlock—ankles for a horse—but actually, I would say that it’s in being withholding with the hoof placement. That’s how you create a sense of tension.

Then you also kicked away your legs, as if in protest. Was this political? Do you question the use of animals in sporting events?
If you have to ask, then you know the answer.

Tell me about your hair swishes.
I would say that this hair toss shows me at my most spontaneous. Dressage is such an ordered routine, and I want to show that I still have personality.

You are doing quite a sassy stomp when we reach the line “my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa.”
I want to show that perhaps I am, as a young gelding from Spain, the Olympics' best answer to a “Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa.”

Have you seen that your dance is now available as a karaoke song, so that people may sing to your athleticism?
I have long thought that my dance deserves the extra work of human people. I appreciate this. I feel honored to have been able to dance to such a cool song.

Your rider, Severo Jesus Jurado Lopez, was interviewed about this song and quoted as saying: "I feel good, I like the music, and it’s a good music to go to all international people." What is your feeling about the universality of “Smooth”?
I think that all international people and all international animals can appreciate “Smooth.” Smooth, it is my mane, my tail, my dance. I am “Smooth,” “Smooth” is me.

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