TechA Requiem for Justin Bieber's Instagram, Which Is No More
Gone butt, but not forgotten.
Thank you all for coming. We are gathered here today to mourn a great loss. While the world never stops spinning, it will have to spin on without one of its greatest wonders—the Instagram of Justin Bieber.
Last evening, news broke that Justin Bieber's Instagram had disappeared from the world wide web. Some were stunned. Others were sad. Some were thrilled—and shame on you! Think of all the memories Bieber's Instagram—@justinbieber to most—gave to us as fans and close to 80 million followers around the world. There was the music. Remember the time the Instagram account unveiled a new song called "Turn Up" that ultimately became Big Sean's "I Don't F With You" ? I know. Time is a flat circle.
Then there were the selfies—tiny pieces of artwork, composed by @justinbieber himself. There were the shirtless selfies, the Cute Boy™ selfies, the random "wait what?" selfies, the party selfies, the monkey selfies, and the selfies from the set of our GQ cover shoot. And who could forget the world famous butt selfie? Fan of Bieber or not, posting one's butt requires bravery. Courage. To paraphrase the great Sir Mix-a-Lot, we don't want no Instagram unless it's got Bieber buns.
It was more than butts, though. The account was the peak of celebrity, the peak of narcissism, and the peak of our obsession with celebrity narcissism. Without @justinbieber's self-important photographs, are we destined to actually reflect on our own lives? We say no! Can I get an amen?
Yet it was the selfies that ultimately led to this tragic moment. As many men have learned before, Instagramming selfies with women can prove taxing on relationships, both past and present. We won't dwell on details here as we know they are too difficult for many to handle. In the end, while Bieber's Instagram was one of the mightiest on earth, it proved no match for the 95 million followers of @selenagomez. Miss Gomez did what she felt she had to, perhaps not knowing her own strength. In fact, she has since backtracked from her initial comments that attempted to out Bieber's previous infidelity. So we pray for her Instagram account too in this troubling time, as anyone can fall victim to the pressure of the delete button.
Let us bow our heads in prayer, and open genius.com to the entry for Justin Bieber's "As Long As You Love Me." The end of verse one reads, "We both know it's a cruel world / But I will take my chances." It's a cruel world, indeed.