CrimeA Man Tried To Kiss Kim Kardashian West's Butt, And Not In The Acceptable Way
Ineffective and criminal.
Earlier today, serial celebrity harasser and extremely unfunny prankster Vitalii Sediuk was noshing on some ice cream in Paris when he acted on a very, very bad idea. He attempted to kiss Kim Kardashian West's butt. Incredibly, I do not mean this idiomatically.
Of course, Kim has people everywhere, and Sediuk was quickly dropped by Pascal Duvier, Kim's all-about-business bodyguard and a gigantic, menacing human who appears to be a terrifying hybrid of Game of Thrones' The Mountain and Liam Neeson in Taken. Duvier earned himself a well-deserved Twitter shoutout from his grateful client.
Sediuk, meanwhile, took to Instagram to share his very stupid rationale for his actions.
Ah, well that explains it! Why didn't you just say so the first time, Vitalli?
This is not the first time that this Sediuk goober has offered a bizarre, laughably absurd explanation to justify crimes he commits against famous people. (And, from the looks of his outfit, against good taste, too.) I cannot believe I have to type these words, but, friendly reminder: literally committing assault and battery against another person, famous or not, is a very dumb way to publicize your cause du jour. Plus, remember that when said person employs someone like Duvier, whose forearm is the approximate thickness of the average human's torso and whose face has now taken up permanent residence in my nightmares, your stunt will fail in an extremely painful way. Good looking out, G.